An author recently asked me about my thoughts on rejection. 

I LOVE rejection. 

Okay, that’s a little bit of a lie. But I love talking about and thinking about rejection. So much so that I once started to make an entire Tumblr about rejection. 

Rejection excites me. 

As humans and artists we have to constantly deal with rejection, and sometimes the fear of rejection (or failure) keeps us small. In love and dating, we face rejection. In our job search, we face rejection. As artists with our hearts set on getting a fellowship, we face rejection. As writers applying for workshops, we face rejection. Like death and taxes (unless you’re a member of the 1%), rejection is inevitable! 

My favorite antidote to rejection is shadow work. Shadow work helps us to excavate our fears and it transmutes our icky feelings. Shadow work aids us in fully accepting parts of ourselves, even the scary and gross parts. Accepting our shadows allows for a liberation of energy that fuels our creativity because we no longer waste energy hiding what we don’t like about ourselves. 

My favorite shadow work practices: 

1. Existential Kink – Carolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink meditation is my very favorite way to do shadow work. Her process allows you to transmute negative feelings so they no longer bother you as much, and sometimes they even excite you! 

2. Feed Your Demons – a westernized meditation based on Chöd, an ancient Tibetan practice. This is a great way to ask your “demons” what they need, or as Zen practitioners say, to have tea with Mara. 

4. Tonglen – Through this meditation you breathe in suffering and breathe out love. This is a wonderful way to transmute suffering. Instructions on how to do Tonglen abound on the internet. 

6. Byron Katie’s The Work – this is a journaling practice best done when another persons behavior bothers you.

Once you’ve done some shadow work, and you’ve accepted the feelings of humiliation and loss that come alongside rejection, I recommend creating a rejection collection. You can use a rejection collection for dating apps, applying for jobs or fellowships, or really anything that you can get a rejection from. Collecting rejections is helpful because it encourages you to apply for things that you normally wouldn’t – which is the entire point! The responses you receive may surprise you! 

For inspiration, I love this article from writer and comedian Emily Winter about her year of collection 101 rejections. And here’s the original article that kicked off a bit of a phenomenon for collecting 100 rejections a year (#100rejections).

Have you used shadow work to get over rejections? Have you ever done a rejection collection? Do you have other advice on getting over rejections? Let me know in the comments below. 

(image credit: Photo by Jakayla Toney on Unsplash)